"It is by being more personal that we can then be more universal." -Oscar Torres

Today was one of the most intense experiences I have had thus far in my education at Upeace.  We watched the film “Innocent Voices,” which is about the civil war that occurred in El Salvador (1980-1992) as seen through the eyes of an 11 year-old boy.

What made this film so powerful was the presence of the writer, Oscar Torres, who presented the film and then participated in a discussion afterwards.  The film is based on his life as he experienced the war during his childhood.  Oscar said that the process of writing and filming this movie was like a 3 year therapy session for him and that not a day went by when he did not struggle with his desire to drop the project and run away from the memories.

He was very candid and honest with the audience as he described his experiences and another concept that struck a chord with me was that he was very adamant that he did this project not for others- to spread awareness about civil war and the impact especially on children- but that the project was for him.

He said it was in his own selfish interest that he wrote the story of “Innocent Voices” because at the time he was still very angry and he needed to “get it out.”  His journey to heal from a psychological perspective is a fascinating process to hear about; Oscar said that he watched the film over 100 times and every time he cried until one day he realized that he was no longer crying for himself but for the others who were still experiencing this.  He recognized this moment as a turning point in which his own wounds had become healed scars and he was then able to move on to help others.

Because if we don’t take care of ourselves as we so often neglect to do so, then how can we possibly take care of others?

This has caused me to reflect on my own motivations as to why I do what I do and why it is I want to spend my life in the service of others.  On the outset I want to say that this is because of selfless reasons that have to do with my belief in social justice and equality-these are the reasons I want to say this is why I am where I am, but this is not entirely true.

I do what I do for me.

I think we all have our own personal demons though many of our experiences may not be as tragic as that of a child growing up in civil war, nonetheless, we all have our own wounds and we are all searching for a way to heal that pain.

I long for the day when I can wake up and honestly say that I am no longer doing what I do for myself but I am helping others for their sake and not my own.